John on the street

John(pseudonym) is standing on the middle of Euston Road, begging passing drivers for money.

In a very moment, He is like a straw man riveted on the field, seeing them blossom and wither. He isn’t out of shape: a dark woolen hat lid a bundle of dried chestnut hair on the top; the face is pale and hackly, and liven up by a pair of crystalised eyes.

On the street, the time slows down. The world is more like a jelly, glue himself into it. He covers his body with a big sordid sleeping bag. He sets up a sail, drifting in his time, and feeling losed.

No long ago, John worked as a Gas & Electric meter engineer and work for himself. He had a car, a two-bedroom flat in Herfordshire, wife and two children, lived a relatively settled life.

But his business began to falter, he started to suffer from anxiety. After had a big argument with his wife, he left his family.

It never rains but it pours. The Covid-19 came. His business decline even more significantly. He had little income, and need to rely on his saving, which would ran out shortly. He didn’t see that coming, of being homeless.

During the day, John was drove by the instinct to survive. Looking at the joy of sunshine day, he couldn’t involve; looking at the sun of sunshine day, he couldn’t been basked. He flattered, he apple-polished, and he tried different kinds of tricks on street to survive…..At night, when wind was howling around the town. His conscience, which is smashed by the painful reality into fragments, flooding to him and grinding him ruthlessly. Suddenly, all the memories was playing in front of his eyes.  

He was startled by all kinds of low and wicked ideas he had in the morning. It is like looking himself in to the demon mirror, a layer of dust covering his soul. A personal realm irresitably detached from the outside world, like a lonely ghost isolated from the flesh. He looked into his world, with deep aversion. He was trembling and begin to cursing to himself.

“The horrible thing is not falling but falling with a completely sober mind.”

……..